10-20-08
Amazing to me that so much emotion can come from one bottle of wine, and I haven’t even opened it yet.
Those of you who know me know that I am not at all acquainted with liquor stores, seriously I’m not! (Jenny please still be my friend ok?) Alas, there I was in Spec’s (dear God that is a horrible website. JJ remind me to call them.) eh hem, there I was in Spec’s today buying three bottles of wine as thank you gifts. That’s when I saw this:
Now this may look like normal bottle of Merlot to you, and yet I have been looking for this particular Merlot for a few years now. Long boring story, but suffice it to say that THIS
is the bottle I have had my eye out for each and every one of the 6 or so times in the past 6 or so years that I have been looking to buy wine. (don’t judge me people ok really I am plenty of fun without the hooch damnit!!!)
Wait let me back up a bit. This week I have been challenged to do something for me that I deserve each day. Something above and beyond the regular venti, half-caff, sugar-free vanilla, 2% latte. Something that takes thought and effort and um, stretch.
Ok so here I am standing in front of the wine. “Sheesh – it’s $25.00 a bottle. That seems like a lot to spend on me.” Yep, that was my 1st thought. Sad I know. So CLEARLY I had to buy this wine for myself. I only put it in the basket and took in out again like 3 times. I bought the thank you wine & my Merlot (spent half as much on my thank you’s as I spent on myself, nice) and went home.
The more time I spend with this frigging still un-opened bottle of wine the sadder I feel. Why is it that the thought of drinking this “special” bottle by myself is so depressing? Good question.
Q: Aren’t I WORTH a nice bottle of wine?
A: Yes, of course
Q: Do I have to wait for someone else to do something nice for me?
A: Hell no
Q: Can’t I do something nice for myself?
A: Absolutely!
Q: Without guilt?
A: Ummmm apparently not.
So this is my quandary. Now that I have bought the wine, how do I enjoy it…alone? I am determined to master this one. I know people do it all the time. This is not about drinking alone, it’s about sharing something special with me, just me and having it feel special, not sad.
Stay tuned…
~ Peace, Love & Light
10-15-08
That’s what it says on my Vision Board, yes I have a Vision Board. The amazing things is that of the 50 or so items I painstakingly selected and glued in place, many of them have come to fruition. The Vision Board sits in my bathroom in the windowsill just above my bathtub. I see it everyday, multiple times a day.
As I was soaking my sadness, honoring my grief in a hot well deserved bubble bath this week, my eyes fell upon “self-transformation”. Words I had glued down. Ahhhhhhh so I did this to myself. Nice.
In truth, I am willing to transform. I actively participate in my own self-transformation. I seek it out. Yes, even when it is painful.
I noticed something new this week. I am worthy of honor, respect, and dignity. This relationship, that I now grieve, has taught me that. He, my ex-YBF, taught me that.
Now this may not sound like a startling revelation, I mean aren’t we all worthy of those things? Sure, of course we are. But this week I felt it. I defended myself to a man who for years has been crass and totally inappropriate with me. I didn’t think twice about letting him know that his words were not ok with me. And while it might surprise those of you who know me, I had never defended myself like this before.
I have pondered this conversation, this telling off of the crass-man, ever since it happened. I have come to this conclusion: my ex-YBF treated me with honor, respect and dignity and that has changed me on a cellular level. Ah, now I know what it feels like. I will never let it go. I am transformed. I am grateful. And yes, I am still sad.
Thank you RDP for giving me this valuable gem. I shine brighter now.
~ Peace, Love & Light
10-01-08
So I got dumped by my boyfriend of more than a year. Totally blind-sided me. Whoooah baby I SO did not see that coming. And while that sucks and I am still working to get this heavy ass wet blanket off of me, I have the best friends in the world.
My friends don’t just bring me ice cream, they bring me Haagen-Dazs ice cream. They call and they send me hugs and love to my Facebook page. And they use words like poo-poo when referring to Yummy BF Yucky MF. Oh and I have one REALLY good friend (I wont name her for her own protection) who offered to stab him…wait I have another friend who made that offer as well. And this one friend called me and said she’d arrange an emergency Comfort Food Club and I said that’s nice and all but what I really want is for all my girls to go to see the movie The Women, cause those chicks are gonna kick some ass and make me laugh. And so we are, we are going to the movie way our here by my house because my friends love me.
And the topper is this card I just received from the funniest woman I know (who uses words like asshat):
So it totally sucks it does really fucking sucks. And I am blessed beyond measure.
Thank you Thank you Thank you.
~ Peace, Love & Light
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I and I forgot to mention that even HIS ex, that would be Yucky MF’s ex wife, called me today to be supportive. (I might actually rock a little.)
09-29-08
I’d like to take credit for this humorous list–alas I cannot. A dear friend emailed it to me, someone had sent it to her and so on. Hence “author unknown”. Thanks for the laugh Mr. or Ms. Unknown.
- Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.
- Hot pockets taste pretty good deep fried on the outdoor cooker!
- My car gets 23.21675 miles per gallon, EXACTLY (you can ask the people in line who helped me push it).
- He who has the biggest generator wins.
- A new method of non-lethal torture — showers without hot water.
- TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.
- Flood plain drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong.
- People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for.
- Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the battery remains charged.
- Hampers were not made to contain such a volume. If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas and generators… I’d be rich.
- Waterfront property can quickly become someone else’s fishing hole.
- Tree service companies are under appreciated.
- MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30% higher electric bill??
- I can walk a lot farther than I thought.
- A MUST for all blackouts with kids… GLOWSTICKS!
- It is a great time to teach the children the fine art of gambling (penny ante poker) card playing.
- You can never have too many gas cans!
- 7 dogs that do not normally live together still do not get along during a hurricane. they have no comprehension of sharing.
- 5 gallons of sweetened iced tea a day is not enough for 9 teenagers.
- Suddenly you realize you DO have neighbors!
- Neighbors are much more sociable when your trees are being removed from their houses.
- That neighbor who knows how to use a chainsaw is your new best friend.
- What looks acceptable by candlelight in your bathroom will scare you when you look at yourself in the mirror at the office
- Coffee is NOT a luxury - it’s a staple! And withdrawal is hell!
- Rather than campfires, you find families huddled about tiny battery-operated televisions to watch The Simpsons.
- Peanut butter and jelly is a perfectly acceptable meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner in the same day.
- Ice is a form of currency.
- Coming home from work with a pizza and a charged-up laptop so the kids can watch a DVD makes you a hero.
- You run out of things to barbecue after Day 3.
- Hair can dry without a blow dryer, but it may not look the way you planned.
- Baseball caps go with any post-hurricane ensemble.
- You can’t train yourself not to flip on light switches when entering a room.
- Lukewarm is the new cold.
- It’s easier to ignore a dirty house when you can’t see it
- A new opening phrase when seeing someone: ‘Got lights yet?’
- Daydreaming consists of thinking about what you will do when the freak’n power comes back on!
Sure hope if you’re reading this you’ve got power.
~ Peace, Love & Light
